The Fall of Thoughts
by anniemo
Summary: Takes place during John's and Sherlock's last conversation during "The Reichenbach Fall", Sherlock's POV and thoughts.


**SPOILER ALERT: If you haven't seen BBC Sherlock - S02E03 - "The Reichenbach Fall", you should not be reading this.**

**Author's note: This story is written around Sherlock's and John's last conversation during "The Reichenbach Fall", written in Sherlock's POV.**

**Disclaimer: I don't own any of the characters or the actual dialog.**

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**The fall of thoughts**

I stepped back as the only man to ever, truly match me fell. The blood was slowly spreading beneath Moriarty's head as I realised that I never thought he would've gone this far. I was prepared for what was to come, everything was set up, but I wasn't prepared for this. Not having the time to dwell on it for more than a few seconds I stepped up onto the edge.

There was one more thing. One more thing that I wasn't sure that I was prepared for. I, of all people, unsure. What a joke. As I saw John step out of the cab and his phone rang, it began.

_Well, pick up then!_

"Hello?"

_You don't have any idea, do you?.._

"John."

_I have to. I don't want to, but there's nothing else._

"Sherlock, you okay?"

_No. I'm going to lie to you. You, of all people._

"Turn around and walk back the way you came."

_It's hard enough as it is, I don't want you getting any closer, not if I'm planning to succeed._

"No, I'm coming in."

_You still don't know.._

"Just do as I ask, please."

_My voice is shaking, I nearly screamed. I need to get it together._

"Where?"

_Change of voice, getting worried. I know how much this will hurt you, the last thing I want is to hear it in your voice, to see it on your face. Selfish, not wanting to go through what I'm doing to you._

"Stop there."

_The perfect spot for you to see all of it and yet not catch the most important part._

"Sherlock?"

_Don't make that voice, just don't._

"Okay, look up. I'm on the rooftop."

_Now you see._

"Oh God.."

_Now you know._

"I-I can't come down so we'll just have to do it like this."

_Stuttering. Pathetic. _

"What's going on?"

_You know what's going on, denying it won't make you feel better._

"An apology. It's all true."

_The words burn like fire. For these filthy lies to come out of my mouth, I'm being really convincing now aren't I?_

"What?"

_Still denying what you know, Watson._

"Everything they said about me. I invented Moriarty."

_This is getting harder by the second. You pause, a moment of doubt? You think I'm telling the truth?_

"Why are you saying this?"

_Because I have to, I really do._

"I'm a fake."

_Don't trust me._

"Sherlock!"

_It's not true, you must know it's not._

"The newspapers were right all along. I want you to tell Lestrade, I want you to tell Mrs. Hudson and Molly... In fact tell anyone who will listen to you, that I created Moriarty. For my own purposes."

_What's with this voice, I'm just supposed to say this and get it over with, it's not real, none of it. So why, why is it so hard to lie to you? _

"Okay, shut up, Sherlock. Shut up. The first time we met.. The first time we met! You knew all about my sister, right?"

_Just don't say anything else. Just let me finish this._

"Nobody could be that clever."

_Just leave it at that. Please._

"You could."

_Why do you have to say these things? I can keep the excuses going forever, but I'm slowly breaking down inside for every lie. So please, stop._

"I researched you. Before we met I discovered everything that I could to impress you. It's a trick. Just a magic trick."

_That's what I have to say. You know it's not a trick. Just you, you're the only one I want to believe in me._

"No. Alright, stop it now.."

_This again, trying to go inside? My dear Watson. My stubborn, loyal Watson._

"No! Stay exactly where you are! Don't move." I reach out my hand, a sign for you to stop.

_How I wish that it wasn't._ _I wish I could let you come up here. Say goodbye properly, but I can't. I'm sorry, I really am. I'm getting far too sentimental , just let me fall._

"Yeah, alright." Your voice softens.

_You think you still can make me come down, don't you? You think you can calm me down, yet you're the one who needs calming._

"Keep your eyes fixed on me. Please, will you do this for me?"

_Please forgive me, for making you watch, for making you listen to this. I don't know how I will ever make it up to you._

"Do what?"

_Just a few seconds left. A few more seconds and I'll have to wait so long, so very long, to get a chance to talk to you again._

"This phone call.. It's a.. It's my note. What people do, don't they? Leave a note.."

_I can't speak anymore. my voice is giving up on me. My friend, My best friend. This if farewell._

"Leave a note, when?"

_I'm so sorry._

"Goodbye John."

_Wait for me._


End file.
